When Vocal Shit Hits The Fan - Chapter 7: Foul Words

    Modern media has presented you with the idea that anything offensive is amoral and wrong. Though you may not have noticed this evolution, it is happening. It is unfortunate, as what some people consider offensive, other people consider funny, entertaining, or 'cool'. Certain outlets are targeted specifically for their capacity to produce such offensive entertainment. Comedians, musicians, television shows, among other things are now hesitating to do what they do best for fear of some pointless special interest group will step up and demand their firing. This is not only illogical, it is the amoral part of the situation.
     Any day, you can read a newspaper, turn on a television or browse the internet and find someone apologizing for something, most likely something they said in private, or even worse, something they consider to be their opinion. I can't imagine this ever being a good thing in five, ten, or twenty years. IS this really what we've come to feel comfortable with? A slew of arrogant, complaining special interest groups that will immediately attack the second you even mention something in a comedic light? The recent gay spotlight is shining due to a few gay boys committing suicide over teasing, among other things. While bullying is what it is, it's not going to end because your posse decides to take umbrage with it.
     What angered me the most about this was the various celebrities who stepped up and spoke out for the gay people. Most of them were sincere, some were just looking for another couple seconds in the spotlight, but the one that really irritated me was Perez Hilton. The man known for Photoshopping semen and dicks on to celebrities faces, the man whose job it is to exploit peoples personal lives and bring to light the things that celebrities do when the cameras are off. In his little statement, he explains how one of the men who committed suicide had been filmed during one of his more private 'man-on-man' endeavors, and upon the release of this video, had killed himself from embarrassment. Perez goes into detail about how terrible it is for people (these bullies in particular) to be filming private moments of people and sharing them with the world. The double standard here is beyond enraging. Don't worry, I'm sure Perez will be one of the first people to step up and defend some gay rights group who've been 'offended' at a gay joke in a television show. This moral compass that Perez is, is a sign of what we as Americans are willing to tolerate, and for what?
     Another form of this would be 'naughty words'. Yeah; Fuck, Shit, Piss, Cumbubble and Clitmeister fall under such a category. What terrible words. I can vividly remember as a young child, saying the word "fuck" to myself in the softest tone I could, as an entirely curious attempt to see what would happen if I had said one of these terrible words. I'll tell you what happened. Nothing. Life went on. I wasn't assaulted by the FCC.

     You'll come to realize as you grow up, that these words that have been kept away from you for your whole life, have been marked taboo and can be defended with punishment. Can anyone really explain to me why 'fuck' is a bad word? You can use the expression 'darn', 'crap', and 'ouch' in an exclamation of pain or delight. Why are those not considered the same? Fuck is a versatile word. How many situations can you put fuck into and have it be grammatically correct? A lot. That being said, when you put this sort of label on words, it gives them power. It gives them strength. Why do you think the youth of modern times is so "potty mouthed"? The words are given a lot of power, and why wouldn't an unruly, angst ridden preteen want to throw that word around like it's the word 'it'?
     But of course, too much could be a bad thing in a different sense. Some people, when they curse, really bring it home. Someone who you never hear say "Holy goddamned fucking shit" will definitely get his/her point across that they are perturbed when they fire off something that vile. Others though, lose the effect of the word from overuse. When 'fuck' is used so much it becomes a part of daily life or even more, where's the special power that comes with it? It doesn't mean much when it's as common as 'was'.
     But now this hypersensitive nature of curse words has spilled over into the words that aren't bad. Tranny is now off limits. So is fag, retard, and indian giver. They even go as far to say honky, cracker, and whitey are bad words. Since when has someone said honky and not been laughed at? No white person really thinks cracker or whitey is on the same level as a person yelling the n word. Other words are oreo, dyke, and redneck. Even saying 'the man' (in reference to any sort of oppressive authority) is considered offensive to white people. Ridiculous on all fronts.
     Language is the most important tool we have right now as evolved humans. This is what we rely on to convey emotions and ideas. It makes no sense to regulate your communication because some people think it's offensive. Some of the words need to be offensive, just as some words need to dictate love, pain, and if something tastes good or not. I think a lot of what our problems are as a country can be traced back to special interest groups getting too touchy and sensitive, and the people they attack are becoming weak willed and spineless. How quickly they forget that these interest groups cannot do anything to you for voicing an opinion or cracking a joke.

I have no explanation for why I added this picture other than for fake tits.

      I'm getting sick and tired of the hipster trend taking over the world like a plague. Embracing the notion of super-sensitivity. Taking the responsibility off of the shoulders of the people who should be responsible. The fear of hurting other people's feelings instead of the truth is what's making the United States weak and looked down upon in the eyes of other countries. With all news channels suffering from extreme bias and fake impartial journalism, no one is willing to be honest, and worse, everyone is afraid to speak their mind, because of the repercussions that should not exist. We're left with advancement and equality groups that will jump down someone's throat the second they form an opinion. One problem people have is race. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging race.
     The government isn't threatening our free speech, it's ourselves. With our extremely sensitive ideals, we've become weak. Political correctness will be responsible for the downfall of the United States unless people stop concerning themselves with how other people feel and just be honest. An opinion is not something to be punished for. I can understand certain groups coming under fire for their views (KKK comes to mind), but that's not quite what I am getting at. An example, you'll see how quickly the media will cover white on black hate crimes, but you'll almost never hear about black on white hate crimes. But it's a well known fact that it happens. So what is happening here? Do we fear pointing the finger honestly? Do we fear the repercussions of reality? Are we afraid to be who we are at heart, and this over-reaction just a frantic attempt to deny that we, as humans, are horrible things?
    Time will tell.


I've laid in bed many nights pondering things of scientific, religious, and philosophic in nature. I could lay there for hours and think, endlessly. My curiosity is piqued when someone presents to me an idea, a belief or a concept, and I can easily spiral into an entire nights worth of brooding. One of the more oddball things I think about is how language wholly dictates how humans interact with each other, their environment, and even perhaps a deity.

Realistically, language is necessary because we can't always rely on the availability of, let's say, an oven to point at, followed by a pizza when you need to point out to someone else with groans and hand gestures that you want the pizza cooked instead of used as a doormat. We rely so much on language, and, unfortunately there is no alternative to it. But, even with its importance to help convey great ideas to each other, express emotions, or perhaps sing a song, language can sometimes become jumbled and ultimately, become more of a confusing concept than a hunched over caveman grunt followed by a series jazz hands and hissy fits.

Let's consider this for a moment, as it is, a dissection of the word "unnatural". Recent news perpetuates the word with a negative connotation. It's got a considerably bad name, as with most apocalypse movies, the 'unnatural' element is often the one to bring about the end of the world. Now don't jump the gun and assume that I draw my conclusion from bad 'end of the world' movies. It's serves a perfect example, as I will explain later on.

In some cases, fantastic or factual, this unappealing word and its underlying suggestive theme remains true. But my qualms are rising about how quickly everyone else is ready to accept this word as a consistently 'bad' thing. We, as people, are too quick to jump on the bandwagon of change and evolution (Well, not the religious folks, but you get the idea). This leap of everyone else's faith is disturbing because, in reality, a lot of purposes that the word 'unnatural' serves are wholeheartedly skewed.

Take for instance, global warming. The plight of industrialization, the defiling of mother earth, the toxic cloud that represents innovation and human evolution is something to be considered. I'm sure by now you've been made very aware of global warming as a person who reads or hears any popularized media outlets. Whether you believe this to be true or not, the theory will stand on its own.
Many times over, you'll hear the term 'unnatural' used to describe how we are, in some way, harming our planet. Whether we are or not, let's reflect on what the term 'unnatural' means, without any sort of prior judgment.

"Contrary to the laws or course of nature" or, "At variance with the character or nature of a person, animal, or plant."

So now we know that 'unnatural' can be substituted with a word as simple as 'different'. Does different always have a bad vibe to it? After all, how many times were you brow beaten into believing that 'different' people are no more or less better than you, correct? So who's to say 'unnatural' is a bad thing? No one.

From here on in, science may be required to further pinpoint how we consider the word 'unnatural' to function in our speech. So let's say, for instance, you do not believe in evolution, then perhaps you may want to save yourself some time and stop reading. Same goes for those who don't think humans are no more divine than a dog or a bumblebee. Now that we've gotten that out of the way, we can move on with our investigation.

So let's say we, as humans, crept or fell from trees in Africa around one million years ago. That's a hell of a journey to where we are today, but in the grand scheme, we are naught but a pinhead in a football field of a timeline.

So we've descended from our treetop homes to forage through the bushes for food. Time dictates evolution, let's say, 500,000 years later, we're not much more developed, relatively ignorant as far as tools go, and we still have the plague of religion, war, and autotune to look forward to. To understand the theory of how we became who we are today, we have to acknowledge what we used to be. No more different, no more intelligent, and certainly not as resilient as, perhaps dinosaurs.
Imagine if you considered birds to be divine creatures, would you consider them any more special than the velociraptor it morphed from? Would you consider a butterfly to be any more godly than the caterpillar and the pod that it burst from? Obviously, no.

We can now fast forward to about 20,000 years ago, with primitive tools, fashioned shelter and extremely early forms of communication. Still a very similar incarnation from the chimpanzee forefathers, a little bigger, straighter spine and a relatively big forehead. Aesthetics aside, we're now developing into a primitive human. This human will continue its physical and mental evolution for quite some time, developing advanced tools, fire, simple machines, domestication, philosophy, agriculture, religion, gunpowder, flight, the assembly line, moon rockets, telescopes, the list goes on for quite some time.

Even with all of these cool toys, enemies and churches, are we any different than the man whose 'cool toys' consisted of a dull axe, a small fire, or a pelt made from a raccoon? Logic dictates no.

So let's consider our environmental folly, both in physicality and mentality. We release CO2 into the atmosphere at copious rates; we deforest at a ridiculous rate, pollute our waters and leave behind a spinning collection of space trash. At this point, we're not being unreasonable. Perhaps pompous, self centered and annoying, but not unreasonable. Is this man being irresponsible, or a form of evolution? Do we have to immediately assume that any form of change is bad, be it an enormous extinction? The human will survive as it did when it came from its tree. Perhaps with our great deforestation, humans will evolve into a creature that is sustainable through something other than oxygen. Perhaps with a Swiss-cheese ozone layer, our bodies will, over time, allow us to accept the radiation that pours into the earth? Hypothetical diatribes, obviously, but the point here is that no matter how much you kick and scream, fight back or complain, the natural course of events will unfold, and it will do so with or without you.

This seems bleak sure, but wouldn't the extinction of 90% of life (dinosaur extinction) on our planet be a little bleak too?

How does this pertain to my displeasure with how the word 'unnatural' is portrayed today?
I'll try to be simple. We consider our 'defiling' of the planet to be an unnatural feature of a human being. Is this perhaps a matter of perspective? Would a world that was covered in water be a suitable environment for us? A squishy, pink, floundering mess? We'd be eliminated quickly. We think, with good reason, with our own well being in mind. We want the world to be perfect for us. But perhaps a perfect world for us is a world with hardly any vegetation, hardly any sunlight, and giant black clouds from perpetually running engines. Unnatural is, ultimately, a fragment of perception, how we define our world as we want it to be, or don't want it to be. We deem ourselves (or more accurately, our actions) to be unnatural even though conceivably, this is an inevitable step to becoming something more. Perhaps our chimpanzee friends could have talked us humans into staying in the trees because we would be 'unnatural' if we walked upright, crafted tools and hauled our asses to the moon?

Where does this lead? Well obviously, I couldn't begin to draw a conjecture. It's the future after all; we have to accept it with open arms, no matter what it is.

If we delve deeper into the term 'unnatural', we can split it into varying degrees of effectiveness. Let's look at it on an all encompassing scale. The first degree. The entire universe, everything that does and doesn't exist, lumped into one category. All possibilities considered, all elements present, all consciousness and entirely aware. The first degree is the largest and smallest in scale, as we deal with the building blocks of existence, the atom, and its assemblage, the molecule.

Let's take a leap of faith here and assume that all 115 elements known to man are all that exist. The basics, the smallest, and this being one of two parts of 'everything', the other being space.  We have our figurative 'pen and paper', or 'material and space', respectively. Let's try now, to take one atom of hydrogen, and move it to any point in the universe conceivable. Throw it into another dimension, throw it into a wormhole, heaven, hell, a palm tree or have it bind with a mucus slime lining the 'lungs' situated in an alien life form. No matter where you put it, you can consider it natural. You've not introduced a new element, taken away an element, or placed this element in a spot where it should not be because, with your first degree of 'unnatural', it's technically impossible.

Let's move on to our second degree. It's a bit different now, as we can no longer work with unlimited resources or space to achieve the goal. Instead we have to be a self conscious organism. No matter what planet you live on, or what nebula you're floating around in, the self awareness factor is crucial in determining this degree. We will, instead of work with atoms, we'll step up to molecules. Let's take Al2(SO4)3, or aluminum sulfate, used to purify drinking water. Let's take a single crystal and place it in the digestive organ of our organism. Now, in our second degree interpretation, this becomes "unnatural" under certain circumstances. The first condition is that the organism does not actually consume these crystals, or gain sustenance from them. A second condition is that the crystals are not a byproduct of the death of the creature, or a byproduct of any organism in it, parasitic or otherwise. There are a slew of other conditions but we'll be brief and assume that's all we need. This now becomes unnatural. The second degree of unnatural pertains to a singular organism and its survival based on the unnatural component.

Let's continue to the third degree, the philosophical degree. Attempting to evaluate this will be unusual, as we can no longer focus on the chemical aspects, nor the infinite possibilities. We have to find the point of origin. Not the big bang. Just, existence. Mathematically, the universes existence is rather unusual. The circumstances of our creation are definitely shady, and you'd be safe in saying that everything in its entirety is an unnatural manifestation. Life, death, beyond, before, all of it is definably unnatural. And with these degrees, now unnatural doesn't seem like such a bad thing.

Blanket statements don't seem to work because inevitably, you'll get someone like me who'll want to question the grounds of the belief. If I had to wrap this up neatly and tidily, I guess I would say this:

To define unnatural is to define perspective. It's not identified by personal interest, pain, bliss, extinction or overpopulation, but in relation to everything else.

When Vocal Shit Hits The Fan - Chapter 12, "Writing Failures, Career Endeavors, My Romantic Comedy and Other Charges"

    I've always wanted to write some long and dramatic story about a band of survivors who pull through some 'doomsday' scenario, living in a wasteland, the dynamic between each character fluctuating with every trial they may come across. The standard though, has been set so high for this area of writing, it's almost impossible to rise above everyone else's 'apocalypse' themed story. The idea now has to be so unique, so different and imaginative, that it would have to be ridiculous in its concept or exceptionally well done that the odds of either happening to me are quite slim. I had started work on a story many years, not long after getting my first computer. I would spend hours at a time, adding to its ever growing complex character interactions, descriptions of monsters, weapons, powers, it became so overwhelming, and I had to stop for some time to literally 'generate' ideas. No sooner did I take a week of, my computer decides to tailspin into an unrecoverable mass of wreckage. The story was lost, close to eighty chapters of material (though juvenile and certainly ridiculous), gone. I still remember its epic tale fondly, as I have wanted to continue this tale, but that would require work. And work is something that I really want to put forth to something I have more faith in.

Don't get me wrong, I loved dearly this tale (which I had deemed The Days of Damnation, and before that, The Odium Mountain). A lot of concepts and themes that I use today can be directly attributed to ideas that I had birthed specifically for the saga, which had been intended for three books total. I was teeming with ideas. Though not in word form. I did a lot of this fantasy writing strictly from imagery in my head. Imagine someone watching a movie and telling you what's happening, move by move. In the description I've given it perhaps is not so enthralling, but I of course made sure to go back and add various words of interest to make it not seem like the rundown of a six hour congressional hearing. The imagery would be so intense at times that I would get overwhelmed with the amount I would have to type, how quickly I would have to type to keep up with the action in my head. So much would happen at once, the story would degenerate from coherent sentences and chronological procession to a list of 'active words' that would be paired with an adjective. The emotion of the sentence, the action of the sentence, the effects and time scale would be forcefully condensed into four or five words, and then after I got through a certain scene, I would go back and start piecing together this smeared out, disorganized mass of words into articulate thoughts. It worked out pretty well considering I made it at least a thousand pages deep with this method before it all shot to hell. Well, not on my terms, anyway.  
Even with what I thought was a very inefficient manner of conjuring up these scenes, the characters would inevitably witness some marvelous, fantastic locations beyond imagination (well, not beyond MINE, anyway) and they would encounter dangerous enemies, powerful gods, whose power would be assumed by these nine mortal teenagers. Yes, nine was the magic number. Nine was the recurring theme. Nine different protagonists, nine different gods, nine different strengths, nine different worlds. The whole book was meant to be symbolic with the number nine, so much so, I had nine word chapter titles, nine paragraph chapters and various other nine-related items. Obviously, at this time, the movie 9 had not even been conceived yet, so I at the time thought I was being original by picking an odd number and granting it almost godlike qualities.
The main protagonist was named Kevin. Kevin's troubling past led him to be sequestered in an institution for almost two years until a mysterious visitor appeared on a rainy night and offered him a box inside of it. In it was an orb which gave him several powerful capabilities. His specialty was fire. But with this power, he becomes schizophrenic to a serious level. Immediately after realizing his power, he flies into an identity crisis and subsequently turns his cell block into smoldering ruins, and flees into the night. From there he learns of a dangerous cycle that repeats ever million years or so. He also becomes aware that the human race has existing for billions of years and that our current scientific interpretation of the beginning of humans is extremely wrong. Humans and what turn out to be 'Angels' clash in a worldwide war so large and vast, 99.999 percent of the earth sentient life is eradicated, and with it, all of its technology, its kingdoms and almost all evidence of its existence. With his journey he discovers eight other people with similar powers. From what I remember, Kevin's childhood friend, Stephen, had the capability to an extraordinarily powerful, fur covered creature. Though some of the details have slipped from memory, I do remember a particular chapter where he fights an eighty foot golem alone. He survives. But he still gets his ass kicked pretty badly.
I remember the other powers included electricity, water, energy, blood, darkness, stone, and I think the last one was mind. Five guys and four girls. What with nine being odd, I don't have much choice. I didn't want the story to menstruate all over the pages after all.
I remember the gods, on this particular war cycle, had been crafting an enormous machine in space, simply titled END. A planet sized machine with a significantly sized lens in the middle that would fire terraforming-style beams of energy onto the earth. It also would affect gravity, launch enemies in these city sized chrome spheres that when landing, resembled nuclear bombs. I'll stop here, since if I go into any more details, I might as well just re-write the story. Oh wait. That's right.
I did.
Upon discovering my trash heap of a computer (and the resuscitation that followed) I realized that I had to start it again, do it better, more brutal, more bloody, more action, and more darkness. I didn't make it NEARLY as far as the first one, about a quarter as much, but it also fizzled out, though not by any fault of mechanical error. I simply just ran out of juice. I did change some details. No longer were there simply nine people with powers, I decided to include a small militia of rebellious citizens. Instead of being institutionalized, Kevin wakes late in the night to hear his phone ringing. His friend, Alex, alerts him that 'the uprising has begun' and to 'get his dad's guns and come over'. Kevin is torn, but upon viewing the destruction on the television, suits up with what he has and heads over to his friends house. They leave with a band of about eight people in a truck to the heart of the city, where they combat various military outfits in the downtown area. After a few encounters with the enemy, Kevin discovers that there are things amiss. He learns that the war was provoked by angels in an attempt to eradicate all humans. And how much easier it would be if they were fighting amongst themselves, right?
A higher tier of angel. 
So with this realization, and battling an angel, he falls off of an extremely tall building. Instead of dying, the concrete cracks around him, and he realized he has powers…So on and so forth, eventually adopting the same storyline as the original. Except I made sure to be a lot more bleak. Along with the whole 'Nine' theme, I also adopted red as the primary color.
This is absolutely not the first writing endeavor that has fallen in on itself in the face of writers block or motivation. Sadly, most will succumb to a similar fate.
"Feeders", "Messiah" and "Erebus" come to mind as well. Three well thought out and planned ideas that simply fall to the wayside. I especially liked "Messiah" because for once, the moral wasn't some convoluted message, nor did it bear any resemblance to being kind, respecting people, or living life to its fullest. I had intended on the moral being simple. "People are bad. We deserve what we get."
"Feeders" though, I must admit, I painted myself into a corner. One setting, one or two antagonists, millions of protagonists. Nothing changed. I suppose feeders would make a much more appealing and thought provoking silent movie, than a story. (A story that was intended to have little to no dialogue whatsoever. What the hell was I going to write about for 250 pages when no one would talk?) Did I really think that I would be able to keep a story going with a few million mute, homeless people walking through an endless plain? Sure. The forecast for that story would be rather bland. Thirty mute people having the best vocal conversation ever. What more could you ask for?
How quickly I forget that I'm not quite the genius I so quickly convince myself that I am. This leads me to my next thought.
Film. There's a lot of work there. If I for a second thought that I was a terrible person for all of the projects I abandoned before I decide to endeavor into movies, I should be beaten. Imagine the work I would need to dedicate to something like that. Effects, scripts, actors, fleshed out concepts, conversations…it would be a shitstorm of failure… I think that if I were to venture into that industry, I would have to strictly stick to the writing portion. I couldn't imagine the responsibility that an executive producer or director must face when making a movie, especially on the scale I want to create. (Think Avatar, King Kong, any effects laden films).
However there are some areas of film that have yet to be explored. In a time where the romantic comedy is king, and it's second in command is the 'remake', what choice does someone have? It's too much of a risk to be avant-garde in your thinking. The potential for failure is too high. People think that the only thing outside of the box is a pile of dead babies, half machine, half organic velociraptor rapists, a looping tape of 9/11 and a downpour of AIDS and feces. The gamble is too much, as a lot of films that are deemed different usually fail as far as money. Though a lot of them eventually get their cult following. I know a movie that I like a lot is "Begotten". Now there's a film that got its point across without saying a word. Describing it would be a chore, as some parts of it make no sense. I would much rather have you experience it on your own in a dark basement. Though I wouldn't suggest it for the faint of heart. I would demand it. That being said, I would love to do a movie similar to that. A film with hardly any speaking. All of it is visually based. Like an acid trip coming out of a projector. And not a "That 70's Show" groovy acid trip with bright colors. I'd love to make a bleak, dark, horrifying film with spectacular sounds… place a few recording devices in a mental institution. Get some oddball noises and try to mess with people's minds. I think the best feeling you can get from a film is feeling side effects from it hours later. Though I'm sure some vaginal group would have a problem with it because it's scary or because what I would have to do to get it in a theater.
I kind of wish there were an occupation where someone would be hired to 'create'. That would be the PERFECT job for me. I imagine it would pay rather well, too. Think about it. You establish yourself in the entertainment world as a 'creator'. You assemble a portfolio of things you've created. A well structured portfolio would include music you've composed, stories you've written, pictures you've created, ideas, and concepts, a little bit of every field. I can just imagine, the phone calls I would get from some vile businessman who wants to create a pie chart for some awful investment company to help 'bring the point home' about various stock choices for the quarterly projection. Meanwhile, they're taking their slightly out of date vehicle to the seediest part of town and scooping up some crypt monster of a hooker and taking her to a motel for a night of hijinks. He'd eventually realize that she's kicked the bucket during their foray into the world of love-less making and have to spend the rest of the night digging. Or if he were smart, he'd just let her do a 65 mph roll into a ditch off of a highway. Then you could blame a trucker, I suppose. That's their MO.
Glib events aside, I can imagine some businessman calling and asking me to 'create' for them. I assume their request would be bone-to-dust boring. Nevertheless, I would accept, and before you know it, I hand to them a disc with a tedious PowerPoint presentation accentuated with nothing short of elevator music.
You say "graphic design"? Well yeah, that area, at least. It expands farther than that. Imagine then some film company, perhaps a producer, approaching you with a request that I score his next bid movie. Sounds great, right? Absolutely. And perhaps with such a call, I would then receive requests from perhaps, gaming companies, asking for me to now write some music for their new action packed game where you drive around town and beat up women and children whilst stealing cars and fling helicopters and UFO's and derailing trains. Why does that sound so familiar?
Okay yeah, now I'm a composer. It still does not end there. Perhaps after seeing my now impressive repertoire of creative genius, a movie company will contact me with a dire problem. The writer of their next movie has quit with half of the movie unfinished. Well god damn, what are they going to do? Well no worries, they've contracted the best 'creator' around to finish up this romantic comedy.
People would love it. Imagine Helen Mirren and Gerard Butler starring in it. The next big romantic comedy with two huge stars. The first half of the movie goes into detail about Gerard and Mirren's awkward love affair, they're both so shy and afraid to tell each other how they feel. Gerard realizes that women his age are immature and only out for well muscled men who have money. Mirren is a cougar who hasn't had sex since she was seventeen, and realizing that she's almost about to commit to the ground, realizes she needs a man immediately. About thirty five, forty minutes into the film, Gerard professes his love outside of Mirren's apartment after dinner has gone awry. Mirren at this point, realizes that this relationship is going to face problems. They both want to very different things, and she would not want Butler to become clingy. She had acquired him solely for sex, and she fears that he has now become her true love! He stands there, cold, wet and frantic, trying to convince her that he loves her and wants to marry her. Right as they are about to share a passionate hard-nipple kiss, the ground beneath Butler cracks apart, and he falls into a deep chasm filled with bubbling magma. Mirren is taken aback, so much so that she faints on her doorstep in the pouring rain. It turns out that Butler and Mirren, if allowed to continue, would have conceived a child that would put a stop to Lucifer's plans to destroy the earth and conquer heaven. Rising from the small plume of smoke that Butler has left, a large gateway rises from the magma, a portal to Malebolgian realm. Hundreds of thousands of demon troops pour from the opening and begin to assault the unsuspecting city, toppling buildings, burning orphanages and laying waste to the less fortunate. Mirren is inevitably consumed by a small gremlin. Brimstone rains down on the earth, and the last camera shot features enormous hooves stomping up an ancient stone staircase, and the last slow panning shot is an armor laden Lucifer, wings spread, viewing his handiwork, a grin plastered on his face. See? Seamless.
I can see being a creator being tough work. Ideas and what is considered 'cool' is very subjective. Not everyone agrees. I would imagine that somehow this would pose problems for the companies that hire a 'creator'. Be it music, artwork, film, books, album covers, music video editing, designing movie posters, film effects, someone will have something to say about how bad it is. Especially on the internet, where everything you read is true and everyone besides you is perfect at everything.
Perhaps if I had continued my work on the book, or been responsible, and backed up all of this material, I'd be still working on it today, though I highly doubt that I would be at this time. I have a saddening motivation issue. A Da Vinci complex. Once I start some sort of project, art, music, literature, it had better keep my attention at 100% or it inevitably gets sorted out into an 'incomplete folder, where sadly, most of my work calls home.

A good idea of how much material would be on
 the internet if I had any sort of follow through.
The motivation has definitely affected my life negatively. I can't imagine the amount of media I would have released with the proper motivation behind me. Though I shouldn't say that this sort of problem is all bad though, as I now seem to only put out things I deem to be the best. Realistically, this is a bad idea, since I have less to speak for me out in the eye of the public, and since only my best is seen, I can't blame someone for being better by using the excuse "Well I upload everything, not all of it is going to be perfectly awesome!".
Instead of buying ten tickets at a raffle, I bought one because of integrity. Or mental illness. Slightly shameful, but it's something I've come to terms with.

Anime - The Pillar of Creativity, Originality, Technicality, and Mastery

Anime. Why a journal entry for this?

Because it's so technically challenging, because it's one of the hardest art forms to master. Mona Lisa? NO. Statue of David? NO. Birth of Venus? NO. Anime is even harder to draw than that. Sound impossible? It isn't. It's _nearly_ impossible. It is by far though, the most difficult to master. It requires perfect precision, acute anatomical direction and, most of all, the ability to allow yourself to be original. ORIGINALITY IS KEY to anime.

I hope that if you read this, you have a strong sense of SARCASM, SPITE, HATE, and RAGE.

I would submit this to the creative writing section, but out of pure spite and unwavering hatred for it, I will post it here. And as for my reasoning behind this conjecture, I will simply have it be an anonymous indiscretion, in order to prevent any future discrepancies.

Random Rant 1

I'm getting sick and tired of the hipster trend taking over the world like a plague. Embracing the notion of super-sensitivity. Taking the responsibility off of the shoulders of the people who should be responsible. The fear of hurting other people's feelings instead of the truth is what's making the United States weak and looked down upon in the eyes of other countries. With all news channels suffering from extreme bias and fake impartial journalism, no one is willing to be honest, and worse, everyone is afraid to speak their mind, because of the repercussions that should not exist. We're left with advancement and equality groups that will jump down someone's throat the second they form an opinion. I'm talking about race in the media. There's nothing wrong with acknowledging race.
The government isn't threatening our free speech, it's ourselves. With our extremely sensitive ideals, we've become weak. Political correctness will be responsible for the downfall of the United States unless people stop concerning themselves with how other people feel and just be honest. An opinion is not something to be punished for. I can understand certain groups coming under fire for their views (KKK comes to mind), but that's not quite what I am getting at. An example, you'll see how quickly the media will cover white on black hate crimes, but you'll almost never hear about black on white hate crimes. But it's a well known fact that it happens. So what is happening here? Do we fear pointing the finger honestly? If someone does something wrong, do we blame people depending on their race? After so many years of working towards equality, they've not only become equal, but in some instances surpassed everyone else. They now are excluded from coverage in the media for fear that people like Al Sharpton getting you fired or being hated by the community for saying something honestly. Don't mistake this for being racist, as I am not. I am racial. Being racial and being racist are two VERY different things. I know someone will misinterpret this anyway and call me a racist. I'll say it again. I am not.