Saturday, January 22, 2011


Youtube is one of those hit or miss things for me. Either what I see on there is very funny or very dumb. Sometimes a combination of both, but sometimes it brings to light the fact that some people are so awesome when it comes to perception, especially with metal. The fact that he was able to discern the rhythms and syncopate them with the song, godlike. This video is a perfect example of such events where Youtube is neither funny, nor dumb, but instead, awe inspiring.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

My Album Out Now

Hey guys, I figured I'd let you know about my bands debut album: "Fun In The Morgue". You can buy the album here.

Ten tracks of thrashy death brutality. Go for it. Support local underground metal.

Here are our homes on the internet:


Monday, January 17, 2011

Parrghate Metal.

Niche metal is one of the new things to check out. Pirate Metal is no different. And I actually like it. There some sort of realistic relationship between pirates and metal. Though I think Pirate metal is just Power Metal with a recurring theme beyond trolls and wizardry. But I would even go as far to say that Pirates were the original metalheads. Ugly, hairy, violent drunks.

Anyway, check out some Swashbuckle.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

17 Gigapixels of Lesbians.

Fuck. Imagine porno filmed with this shit.

17 Gigapixel Photo of Glacier Point - Watch more Funny Videos

Black Metal Beer

Boy, that whole folk-black-barefoot-woodsman style of music is taking off. You can thank Korpiklaani, Ensiferum and Finntroll for things like this:

Note that this Imperial Stout was serenaded
during formation with Black Metal as well. Awesome.
I like the idea. Metal has achieved some great things under the influence of beer. I'm anticipating the release of the "Death Metal Rum", "Industrial Metal Absinthe" and "Pornogrind Daiquiris". 

Saturday, January 8, 2011

I Stink

There are some good things and bad things about being an artist whose primary focus is on things of...darker ilk. For example, people who lack such skills can easily be swooned with a very cheap piece of work you may have thrown together in a matter of minutes. Art that exists in this fantasy world is, in a sense, easier to do because you do not have to follow a direct guideline, as it is 'fantasy'. A tree can be very oddball looking, and still be considered art. (Though I do not defend the people who splash paint on a canvas, spear it around and call it a masterpiece. That is not art).

But there are cons to this as well. Especially being a fan of death metal, you notice that many album covers are starting to become more and more intense, dark and just cool. As of now there is a new artist who I look up to and admire very much. So much so that it makes me rather discouraged in my own endeavors.

The guy is Justin Bartlett. Just a beast. He seems to be centered in the black metal scene. And for good reason. Every piece of his evokes some sort of evil thoughts in my head. This picture, for example, pretty much embodies black metal in its entirety (except for the previously mentioned Christian Black Metal, or better referenced as "White Metal")

That is just ultrasick. How do you handle that? You don't. It's going to be rape-faced until you turn away, and then you're going to keep thinking about it.

Here is his website. Where he shows that he is in fact just to awesome. I should stop now.

Thursday, January 6, 2011

There's an Invadjent.

All right so most people who keep up with metal have noticed the influx of 'djent'. Atmospheric, mathematical, and very low tuned guitars. The term 'djent' is actually derived from the sound that the guitar makes when playing the lower notes. The more you know, right?

Well I can see that it's becoming a phenomenon in the metal community, so much so, that it's taking the same route that pig squeals and breakdowns did. Now everybody is going to dive for djent, crack their heads against each other and beat it into the ground until it's unlistenable. You'll inevitably come across 'djent offshoots'. Country Djent. J-Djent, and Djent-abilly.

I'm sad to admit that I like this music, as I am mostly against 'flavor of the month' bands. But I've come to enjoy such bands as "Vildhjarta", "TesseracT" (Their early demo/EP, mostly. Before the gay ass singer they have now), The Interbeing. The list can go on. (Click here for a djent-oriented website. Fijnd your own bands.)

I've even gone as far as to post some djent metal on this very blog. Cloudkicker has made multiple appearances, so has Synthetic Breed (although they're not so much djent as they are just mathy).

One of my favorite djent bands right now is 'Chimp Spanner'. More instrumental music that comes loaded with atmosphere and synths. 'Chimp Spanner' have an odd happiness that accompanies the music, certain upbeat qualities that sort of uplift. I can tell that soon, metal is going to become uptempo and chock full of happy lyrics proclaiming of their love of life. You laugh now, but 10 years ago, would you think that there would be CHRISTIAN BLACK METAL????

Yeah. Shit, I remember when I was stunned that religious death metal existed. God damn it, are these assholes FUCKING with me?

So back to djent.

Periphery is an example of djent that is already tipping the scales and making me dislike it. In metal, there are two things to pay attention to. Technicality, and talent. Most of the bands out there that the kids like are bands that exemplify overwhelming ability, but it's only in their capacity to do sweeps and hammer on-pull offs. There's no music, it's essentially a soliloquy, showcasing 'how good our guitarist is'.

Talent means making music. Being able to write enjoyable pieces that go beyond sweeps and scales. A good example of this kind of combination is Eyal and Emil from Daath. They are both amazingly talented musicians and guitar players. What they play is difficult, but it's also extremely enjoyable to listen to as music. I read an article back when Daath released "The Hinderers", explaining the complexity of metal and classical music, and, though not very well understood by most people, the fundamental similarities shared between the two.

"Within such musical families, it may be common to find members pursuing different genres and styles, especially if they've been separated by a generation of musical and cultural influence. However, it's hardly commonplace for a house to hold both a world-class maestro and a guitar-slinging metal warrior. After all, even though extreme metal – which often boasts virtuosic musicians, linear song structures and atypical rhythms – is the rock subgenre that Eyal finds "the most similar to classical music," the two genres couldn't sound further apart to the untrained ear." 

To get a grasp on this, check out the rest of the article written about Eyal and his father Voel here.


Another band that flawlessly performs this intermingling of factors are the legendary "Cynic".
If you want to see how musically inclined he is, read this this article concerning birds. Amazing.

So in closing, I see djent becoming a huge thing in metal in the next three or four years, but then killing itself shortly after. Who didn't learn how to do pig squeals when they heard Job For A Cowboy? Now there's bands where that's ALL the singer does. I was still in high school at the time, and every 20 seconds, you'd hear a gurgle here...gurgle there. I could tell that it was already, in it's infancy, a dying trend. Because all the scene/emo kids were doing it.

I'm a prophet, I tell you. True metal is left at the bottom to seethe and loathe everything that modern music has to offer to the world, which is very little to begin with. It is time to change metal world, to forever redefine what it means to be metal, and I can't do that unless I assemble the best possible team at my disposal to forge the sonic landscapes and convey the truth of metal. The people must realize that there is more to music than crouching and wearing girl pants while you play wretched guitar. There is more to metal than terrible singing and uncreative, cliche lyrics. The very foundations of metal music will be shaken, and all genres of music that amount to nothing will look up and see the monster that I will birth. A grand exordium, and into this universe I shall spawn a musical style that is unparalleled, unequaled, and unstoppable. The emo empire will topple before me, the indie influx shall be shattered in my wake, all 'cores' will fall. I will scour through the music world, and what will be left is nothing but the scorched, charred carcasses of the old, unlistenable garbage that modern society eats up. I will cleanse mankind of this terrible inundation of sonic feces and in it's place, I will build a grand monolith, the symbolic representation of metal in it's purest form. My reign will pulse through the earth, the echoic flood of metal that will twist and distort, reform and re-imagine. All that comes in contact with it shall mutate and re-assemble itself. Unbiased and unwavering. Blackened and heavy, a matter so heavy, it shall never be moved. It's foundations buried firmly in the skeletal remains of what I shall exterminate in my crusade, and nothing shall stand in my way.

I leave you with sounds of 'Chimp Spanner'.

Sunday, January 2, 2011

I saw...I came...I saw...I Came Again...

I didn't realize that this had been out for a while. Even if it is from's fucking bad goddamned ass.

I have ALWAYS been a fan of the Ace Combat series. When they did an XBOX360 restricted release, I was pissed. But this looks like it will make up for it.